I enjoy when I have the opportunity to cover something I truly care about. Last night, Mary Jo Pine, suicide prevention coordinator at the St. Cloud VA, presented a suicide awareness and prevention seminar at the Peace Lutheran Church in Cold Spring. Although the turn out was a little discouraging, Pine said if the training helps even one person or saves one life, it’s worth it.
The dialogue, the honesty, the breakdown of a societal stigma, is SO worth it. Everyone you know has either personally experienced depression or knows someone impacted by it. Truly understanding what someone you care about is going through makes an incredible difference to them, to your relationship, to their will to live. The fact that you are willing to seek more information and are trying to understand more deeply means the world to someone feeling so alone.
Seeing a dozen strangers impacted by suicide take the time to comprehend and learn through QPR (question, persuade, and refer) training at the presentation was inspiring. I know that each of them is a sliver of hope and a reason to live for someone enduring thoughts of their own death.
“It doesn’t matter who you are or what you do, you have the ability to recognize someone in distress,” Pine said. There are 117 suicides every day. Imagine if a plane carrying 117 passengers crashed every day, then we’d be talking about it. This is something we need to address as a nation.”
A table full of resources was available, and I picked up the most amazing little booklet called The Tender Leaves of Hope – Helping Someone Survive a Suicide Crisis. Addressed to a parent, family member, or friend of someone at suicidal risk, it discusses everything I would want a loved one to know about what I’m going through. Sometimes, suicide can be uncomfortable to address. A lot of people aren’t even comfortable saying the word suicide. “We’ve learned to talk about all other things that used to be taboo,” said Pine. “Once we start talking about this, we can start saving lives.”
Some of the messages from The Tender Leaves of Hope resonated with me, and I wanted to share them:
“Expressing a wish to die in word or act is the most disturbing communication one human being can make to another, so you have the right to be shocked, frightened, and yes, even angry.”
The booklet is a reminder to the loved one that they are not to blame for someone having suicidal thoughts or acting on them. “Despite our natural desire to point to a single cause, there is no simple, single answer to this most complex human behavior. Therefore, you cannot assume total responsibility for the acts, thoughts, or feelings of another person, even if you have somehow been blamed or feel guilty for what has happened.”
“If you, personally, have never been so distressed and hopeless as to consider ending your own life, it may be difficult to understand and feel empathy toward someone considering suicide. Still, we must make the effort. If we become as hopeless as the person we care about, we may become part of the problem rather than part of the solution.”
The golden rule of suicide prevention is if you’re in doubt, ask. If you’re wondering what to do, do something.
“It takes a special kind of courage to confront another person’s wish to die. The fact that you are reading this booklet suggests you have that kind of courage. With just a little more awareness of how suicidal people think and feel, and what sort of things can be done to reduce future risks, you may be able to provide valuable help in the coming weeks and months.”
“Logic and reasoning may not convince a suicidal person that his or her problems are small and easily remedied – even when, from our perspective, they are. Insisting their problems are not worth dying for often causes suicidal people to feel even more useless, helpless, and worthless.”
“Suicidal people don’t want to die as much as they want to find a way to live.” Suicidal people generally want three things: to end their suffering, to escape from unendurable psychological pain, and to gain more control over events and others.
The Tender Leaves of Hope explains what a loved one can do:
- Be there. “The very best thing you can do for a suicidal person is, simply, to be there. Let that person know you care for them – in spite of how frightened they’ve made you feel. Assure them that, no matter how bad things may get before they get better, you will be there for them.” As people who are suicidal typically feel like a burden, simply being caring can keep their hope alive.
- Listen. “Listening is the greatest gift one human can give to another. Advice tends to be easy, quick, cheap, and often wrong. Listening takes time, patience, and courage, but it is always right.”
- Be aware, be knowledgable, and be open.
You have the power to instill hope and save a life.
ashpeck 